What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
