You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
