made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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