i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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