Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
