I hate your face
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
