Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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