Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
