Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
