i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
