Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
