Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Just pee around me
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
