a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
