I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
