one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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