The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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