If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
