it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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