There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Even my vagina gasped.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
