have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
My cat gives me a boner
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
