life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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