Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
