all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
