he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
