Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
