I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
