Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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