I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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