I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
