I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
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