It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
