i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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