I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
How's work?
Spinning.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
