I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
