dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
