I wish I could teleport
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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