She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
