Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize