this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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