"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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