I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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