so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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