he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
