So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
