I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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