I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Found your dick twin last night
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
