i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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