im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
