Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
