hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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