The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
