You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
