see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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