he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
