She said her name was "party"
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
