I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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