when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
