first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
