well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
