If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I need to sanitize my soul.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
