so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
