Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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