I just pynch a tree in the face
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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