I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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