non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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