My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
