I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize