You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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