Screwed.edu
i already hear my dad disowning me
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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