Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
