That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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