I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
