You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
