His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
