that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Randomize
