too bad you live with your parents still
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize